In his still-popular 1927 travel book H.V.Morton wrote: “I have gone round
England like a magpie, picking up any bright thing that pleased me.”
This line sprang to mind during my stay at the strangely named
Cotswolds88hotel - which describes itself as an “intimate lifestyle hotel in
the hauntingly beautiful Cotswold village of Painswick” - for two reasons.
The first was that it was certainly a “bright thing”: a distinguished
Palladian building decked out with funky designer chairs, zebra-striped
chaises longues, weird chrome statues, splashes of modern art, and retro
wallpaper...a veritable orgy of brightness.
The second was a table in the dining room on which two peculiar magpies
(“fakes”, said the waiter) were peering down, perched on the hands of
cherubs wearing masks - putting me off my meal a bit.
Cotswolds88, which opened last August, is definitely “out there”. It is run by
Marchella de Angelis, a founder of Lounge Lover, a members club in
Shoreditch, East London, who describes the hotel “vibe” as “soulful hip”.
The “88” in the name is apparently a numerology thing: Marchella is into
numbers.
Never mind, I thought - we all have our quirks. And it was Cotswolds88's
quirks that made the hotel work.
My room was fantastic. It had bulbous mirrors, burgundy and gold bed cushions
with a spaghetti-like texture, popcorn “Munchies!”, and a little bathroom
with posh toiletries of the “Olive fruit oil nourishing shampoo: natural
recipe with avocado oil” variety.
Very soulful hip, I decided. But the restaurant was a disappointment. Apart
from the magpies, I was the only diner. At a table with a black candle
burning in a silver holder, I ate jumbo prawns with ginger, followed by
salmon with red peppers, and crème brûlée thinking: “Yes it's funky, but
right now it's dull; get me out of here!”
So I did. I had a walk around Painswick (population 3,000). It was indeed
“hauntingly beautiful” with a wonderful church, sloping streets and old
buildings.
I had a pint of Budding ale at the Royal Oak and chatted to locals, who told
me that my hotel “could have been cheesy and boring, but it's fun”.
Back at the hotel, I realised they were right. Cotswolds88 may be unashamedly
pretentious, but at least, I concluded, it tries. It's a bright thing, and
doesn't care who knows it.
Bottom line Mystery Guest paid £155 for a double.
Sampling the fare Three courses £46pp with wine.
Best thing More-ishly mad.
Worst thing Restaurant atmosphere.
Need to know Cotswolds88hotel, Painswick, Gloucs GL6 6YB; 01452 813688; www.cotswolds88hotel.com
Room 7 out of 10
Food 5.5 out of 10
Service 8 out of 10
Value 6.5 out of 10
Score 6.75
PUT TO THE TEST: 20 Mystery Guest questions for Cotswolds88hotel...
1 Do rooms have kettles/coffee makers? And is there fresh milk?
No.
2 Is there a hairdryer, and is it fixed to a wall?
Hand-held hairdyers available
3 Are coathangers metal, wooden, removable?
Wooden and removable.
4 Complimentary bottle of water?
Yes.
5 Sheets and blankets or duvets?
Duvets are standard, but you can ask for sheets and blankets.
6 What about a 'pillow menu'?
Goose pillows are standard but synthetic pillows available on request.
7 Is lighting good enough for reading?
Yes
8 Is there a shaving/make up mirror? And is it well lit?
No, and mirrors in bathrooms are not well lit
9 What about the in-room entertainment system?
Standard rooms have televisions only
10 Is there a temperature control panel?
Yes, but only in a quarter of rooms - ask when making booking.
11 Do the windows open?
Yes
12 Is there good sound-proofing?
Sound-proofing was good in Mystery Guest's room
13 Is there internet access in the room/lobby?
Yes, free wireless internet throughout
14 Is there a good place to go jogging nearby? Or a gym?
Lots of countryside to jog in. No gym
15 What is the vegetarian food selection like?
Two main vegetarian dishes usually
16 Is there baby listening/babysitting? And are children welcome at adults' evening meals?
Yes there is baby-listening/babysitting. Children welcome up to 7.30pm
17 Is there wheelchair access to all areas?
No
18 Do you get a free paper in the morning?
No
19 Is there a pub round the corner?
Several
20 Is there free car parking? And is it secure?
Yes
'No flowers in the restaurant'; why on earth would flowers give a restaurant devoid of soul that little something....?
Chris, Ruthin , North Wales
We had dinner at Cotswold 88 last night, 9th february.
When we arrived at 7.20 for a 7.30pm reservation there was no one to greet us. We eventually sat in the bar and waited for someone to come. We ordered a bottle of 2005 Marsanne it arrived as 2006 with no apology. We asked for some olives, these were charged at £2.95p for a small bowl.
The food was beautiful but served too quickly from starter to main course. Only 5 main courses, three fish, one vegetarian and one lamb.Our main course was served with only potatoes so we ordered a dish of savoy cabbage at £4.!!
No flowers in the restaurant which made it very soul-less.
Decor stunning however.
kaiser, PULBOROUGH, West Sussex., ENGLAND.