The man, the films, those blondes. Free DVD collection starting this Sunday
“Can I have your credit card details please, Max?” asks the woman who takes my booking over the telephone. “Mr Davidson to you,” I think, sourly.
If you are allergic to excesses of friendliness, the Kandinsky, part of the Alias chain, is not for you. The staff strike a relentlessly jocular note. “There you are, young man,” says the waiter, 20 years my junior, as he tucks in my napkin at dinner. “That’s got everything covered.” This seems to be a larky reference to the size of my stomach. But better, surely, staff who are eager to please than ones who are bored out of their skins.
It is easy to find fault with the Kandinsky, a modish hotel in a handsome Regency building in Cheltenham, but it also dispenses the feelgood factor in generous dollops. Eccentricities in the decor, such as the Chinese puppets above the reception desk, next to the stuffed lion’s head, are offset by the smiling, helpful staff.
Of my room, the less said, the better. I have got the last one available, a pokey single with panoramic views of the back of the kitchen. The bed looks like an operating theatre in a Bulgarian hospital, with a spidery overhead light and a wobbly leather headrest. The carpet feels like the shingle on Brighton beach. No amount of rosemary, sage and vitamin E bath soak can lift my spirits.
But there is far more to hotels than bedrooms. The Kandinsky is just around the corner from Cheltenham Ladies’College, where my daughter is an inmate, and it is good to be able to give her a first-class dinner in stylish surroundings.
Il Paradiso, the Kandinsky’s Italian café-restaurant, will never earn itself a Michelin star, but it ticks other boxes. My starter of lobster and salmon cannelloni is terrific, my main course of red mullet even better. My daughter chomps her way through the scallops and linguini, followed by the roast partridge, declaring both an improvement on school food. A decent-tasting house wine, for just £9, is another plus. Mustn’t tell the headmistress.
Breakfast is good, too: scrambled eggs and smoked salmon; a steaming mug of coffee; the sun streaming into the elegant Regency dining-room.
“Have a nice day, Mr Davidson,” says the man at check-out. “What happened to Max?” I think wistfully. I have got used to the Kandinsky brand of chumminess.
Bottom line: Max Davidson paid £75 for a single room (doubles start at £105).
Sampling the fare: a two- course dinner, without drinks, cost £39.
What we think: amusingly eccentric establishment in a great location.
Best thing: likeable Italian café-restaurant.
Worst thing: rooms are on the pokey side.
Access all areas: wheelchair access involves a roundabout route through the basement nightclub.
Need to know: Hotel Kandinsky (01242 527788, www.aliashotels.com/kandinsky), Bayshill Road, Montpellier, Cheltenham.
Room: 3 out of 10.
Food: 8 out of 10.
Service: 8 out of 10.
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