Ever since experiencing a four-day stomach bug on the Trans-Siberian Express, I have been eternally grateful for the humble loo. Since I discovered Imodium, however, my needs have changed. A filthy old hole in the ground (or train floor) will no longer suffice. I want a lovely lav.

That’s why it’s so nice that today’s models are looking — and even smelling — so good. The trend is for wall-hung or back-to-wall lavatories which hide all the plumbing behind the wall’s surface. These futuristic-looking items of bath furniture take up little space, so they are especially popular in wet rooms. They are also claimed to be more hygienic than traditional lavatories, as there are no pipes to clean.

“People are looking to narrow down all the stuff they have in the bathroom,” says Daniel Bryan, of Bathstore.com in Ealing, west London. “Anything that makes things look more minimalist is what they want.” A wall-hung lavatory from Bathstore.com’s Monte Carlo range costs £139 for the pan and £99 for the cistern; the back-to-wall model is £159.

Villeroy & Boch’s Pure Stone wall-mounted lavatory is available from £605. The 500 Series wall-hung model by Antonio Citterio at Livinghouse costs £345; the 500 Series back-to-wall style is £290. You will need to fit a frame inside the wall to support it. Livinghouse has a bathroom installation frame kit for £257.

If you can, try before you buy. “Men don’t always like wall-hung loos,” says Cheryl Gurner, the director of Bathrooms International. “They think they’re going to fall off.” West One Bathrooms has a selection — its wall-mounted lavatory in the Pure Stone range costs £826, while the Alessi back-to-wall pan costs £929.

Square lavatory seats are fashionable, but not always fun to sit on. “We have one in my seven-year-old’s bathroom. It looks nice but it’s the most uncomfortable thing in the world,” says Amy Liebowitz, a graphic artist who lives in Hampstead, north London. CP Hart’s square wall-hung pan and seat costs £506.

White is still the bog-standard favourite, but other shades are invading. “We’ve been asked twice in the last month if we can supply a bright pink bathroom suite,” says Spencer Coffin, senior development manager of Presley’s Tiles and Bathrooms. Drummonds Architectural Antiques does a pink marble lavatory and basin but they’re far from contemporary: carved from a single piece of marble, the antique-styled set sells for a whopping £10,500. “Modern loos have their place but I don’t like them particularly. I prefer the old-fashioned type,” says manager James Walker, 61. “It might be because of my age.”

For classic comfort, Drummonds’ throne selection is impressive. A floral antique pan painted in blue and white with intricate rose detail sells for £1,550. One with meadow flowers painted both inside and out, with “Diamond Jubilee 1897” stamped on the inside, will set you back £3,350. A high-level Brora cistern, including china pull and handmade chain, costs £545.

Thomas Crapper makes a model which, when closed, looks like a blanket box (it comes in oak and mahogany and has a concealed cistern). You’ll have to spend more than a penny to get one, however: the limited edition Thunderbox costs from £3,850. For green-fingered consumers there are composting loos. They reduce and recycle waste, using little or no water. Just periodically add peat moss and compost accelerator, which helps break down the waste, and empty it about once a year. A low-water remote composting system (120 VAC electric) by Envirolet costs £1,725.

If smells get up your nose, Villeroy & Boch has just launched PurAir, the UK’s first odourless lavatory, made popular in Japan. A pressure-sensitive sensor installed in the seat reacts to body weight. Odours are channelled through an air duct, then fed to a high-powered filter that absorbs them. Prices for the Omnia Classic WC, fitted with PurAir technology, start at about £545.

Bidets are also enjoying a revival. “People are travelling more than ever, to places like the Far East where the trend is for water, not paper. Bidets are more hygienic,” says Gurner. No room for one? Bathrooms International has Hygienic Sprays, small showerheads fitted next to the loo, from £347.

Bathrooms International, 020 7838 7788, www.bathroomsint.com; Bathstore.com, 020 8567 7786, www.bathstore.com; CP Hart, 020 7902 1000, www.cphart.co.uk; Drummonds Architectural Antiques, 020 7376 4499, www.drummonds-arch.co.uk; Envirolet, www.envirolet.com; Livinghouse, 01722 415 000, www.livinghouse.co.uk; Presley’s Tiles and Bathrooms, 08700 112 215, www.presleybathrooms.net; Thomas Crapper & Co, 01789 450 522, www.thomas-crapper.com; Villeroy & Boch, 020 8871 4028, www.villeroy-boch.com; West One Bathrooms, 020 7499 1845, www.westonebathrooms.com

Roll with it

A sleek new designer loo needs — deserves, even — to be dressed up with the right accessories. So how about ditching the puppy-friendly Andrex for some severely stylish black loo paper? Trust me, it’s what all the best-dressed lavs will be wearing this season.

Renova Black, which is made in Portugal, is already a fixture fashionable New York: Uma Thurman had it in the bathrooms at her birthday party. Embossed with a teardrop in a circle logo, and scented — though that wears off fast once the pack is open — it will soon be available, at £4.95 for six rolls, at Harrods102, the stately emporium’s funky new London store.

“It’s unusual, a little bit different,” says a Harrods102 spokesman, and thus ideal for its “young, urban” clientele. They have already been snapping up the tomato-coloured Renova Red — described by one style commentator as “horrifying” -— to enliven their minimalist bathrooms.

Best stick to black, then, which will work best with design schemes that feature black, white, chrome and brushed stainless steel.

But be ready for the deep philosophical issues it raises. “It’s not really form following function: it’s counterintuitive, so that’s sort of interesting,” suggests New York architect David Rockwell.

Or, as Miguel Calvo, a furniture curator, says: “Is this fabulous or banal? Who knows?” Roll with it

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