I have almost given up trying to instil a love of plants in my offspring – the faintest whiff of “learning” and they are off as fast as their grubby little legs can carry them.

My five-year-old daughter, Holly, will tag along for longer than her older brothers, David, 12, and Rufus, 10. She knows it is the only time she can have me to herself, and is more susceptible to the attractions of the miniature gardening kit. The boys, as toddlers, would “help” for a maximum of two minutes – usually releasing an entire row’s supply of seed into one hole, with a sound effect of a bomb going off – before wandering away to throw things at each other or fight and roll in the only muddy part of the lawn.

My latest ploy to keep the boys’ attention, however, is holding out in the face of such energetic opposition. It’s very simple: plants with rude names.

Naughty Latin names with which they can shock a boring gardening relative include the fleabane, Pulicaria dysenterica; the charmingly named holly llex vomitoria, and anything called bupleurum, biglandulosaor verrucosa.

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Others that should get the little darlings rolling in the mud with laughter include Hemerocallis ‘Little Wart’, the iris ‘Baboon Bottom’ and the stinking hellebore (Helleborus foetidus).

Wild plants are a fabulous source of sniggers, as they have great nicknames (for the seeds, I recommend John Chambers Wildflowers: 01933 652562, www.john chamberswildflowerseeds.co.uk ). My favourites from this rich terrain of naughtiness include Bellies-and-bums-fingers-and-thumbs (Essex boys’ name for bird’s-foot trefoil), nipplewort, stinking willy (jacobaea), snotty gogs (yew berries) and bum-pipe or pissabed. Their sister would call this last a fairy clock, for it is a dandelion.

Sacha Langton-Gilks’s Red Undies and Dutchman’s Trousers: Naughty Plants for Every Occasion is published by Collins (£8.99)

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