So there I was, waiting in the check-in line at an airport somewhere far away. I’d been absent from Britain long enough to have forgotten what a bossy little place it was, and even to be feeling quite enthusiastic at the prospect of returning. Then, from just in front of me, came the modulated tones of a Scotsman. He was talking in a nice quiet voice, while doing something sensible, helpful, legal, appropriate, intelligent, responsible and extremely organised with his partner’s luggage arrangements. I’m ashamed to say I felt a rush of irritation so severe, I had to leave the queue and join the back of another, just to get him out of earshot.

Bad marks for tolerance on that one, obviously. But there’s something about all that low-key Scottish marvellousness - although one barely even registers it when listening to the Today programme - that can suddenly grate when it catches you unawares.

Maybe it has something to do with the cold weather and all those long, dark nights, but it’s a funny old thing. How could a landscape as wild and dazzling as the Scottish Highlands have helped to foster such an admirable-but-dreary set of national characteristics: industry, thrift, self-discipline, bossiness, and an apparently irresistible urge to join parliament?

In any case, it did. Yet in spite of the weather and the unsmiling thoroughness of its natives, the Scottish Highlands are a hard place not to fall in love with. The first time I visited, to stay with the parents of a glamorous young man I was very keen on at the time, it was December. I arrived late at night, or possibly at lunchtime: at any rate, it was pitch black outside. I had no idea where I was until the morning, when I pulled back the curtains to discover snow-covered mountains and a flock of wild swans floating over the loch in front of my window. It would take a heart of stone not to be moved by all that. Reader, I married him.

Anyway, that was ages ago. I have been back often since then, of course, magnificent daughter-in-law that I am; and though with the passing years the glamour of the man may have dimmed somewhat, the beauty of the place never ceases to amaze. I was there again last week (in the rain), which is how I discovered that just a few miles further up the glen, on the banks of Loch Rannoch, a 17-bedroom, four-reception-room, Victorian former hunting lodge had just been put on the market for a measly £1m.

If you’ve tried to propose with a banner on the motorway reading “Marry me, Jill” and that didn’t work, and you have a spare million to spend on a place that could become a lifetime project for the two of you, this property might well be worth considering. A perfect wooing tool for tackling even the most ambitious bride, so it is. There aren’t many places more romantic than the banks of a Scottish loch. And there are few houses more elegant than Talladh-A-Bheithe Lodge (pronounced Tel-a-vee), at least from the outside. In short, it’s a great location for richish lovers with biggish dreams.

To be brutal, though – and with apologies to the likeable owners, Mr and Mrs Ludwig of Frankfurt, who make exceedingly good cakes – the house itself is in a pretty run-down state. It’s being sold with the option to turn it back into a private house, but operates at the moment as a three-star hotel, which shuts up, à la Shining, for the winter.

The owners have been in possession of the place for almost 30 years, and it shows. Mrs Ludwig assures me they have been updating continuously ever since; in which case I fear that her aesthetic vision, though held with some passion, may be a couple of decades out of date. “Laura Ashley is finished,” she says. “Now I am loving the wallpaper with the red stripes.”

And, by God, is she loving it. It seems to be everywhere: in the dining room, one self-catering bungalow (three cottages are included in the sale) and maybe even half of the 17 bedrooms.

She found the wallpaper in the throbbing metropolis of Perth, and had her daughter in Germany – who, curiously, has a degree in interior design – give it the once-over before going ahead with a bulk order. Meanwhile, the ground floor is mostly covered in an assortment of pub-style, heavily patterned carpets, and the brightly coloured curtains are mainly floral.

Trivial stuff, of course. It can be so easily changed. But added to the gentle air of decay – the bobbly ceiling wallpaper, curling at the edges; the hotchpotch of sparse and unrelated furniture; the strong smell of stored apples that permeates the back half of the house; the preponderance of giant conifers and overgrown rhododendrons in the garden; the absolutely stunning isolation – it lends the place a somewhat neglected and spooky feel.

Nevertheless, it’s a beautiful house and it is clear that the likeable Ludwigs love it very much. A perfect spot for a Mills & Boon-style marriage proposal from the outside. A perfect spot for an Agatha Christie-style murder from within. Give it a few years, until the matrimonial glow wears thin and the splendid isolation begins to echo with ghosts and strange voices, and a sensible, thrifty owner might even be able to use the place for both.

Talladh-A-Bheithe Lodge, £1m (pictured)

What is it? A17bed Victorian former hunting lodge with loch views, two cottages and 8.5 acres

Where is it? It is seven miles from Kinloch Rannoch, and 25 from Pitlochry

Who is selling it? Savills; 01738 477525, www.savills.co.uk

Not tempted? Here’s what £1m buys elsewhere

Hampshire

Grade II-listed Trafalgar House in Lymington has six bedrooms, three reception rooms, and a swimming pool. It is five miles to Brockenhurst, from where it is 90 minutes to London. John D Wood & Co; 01590 677233, www.johndwood.co.uk

London

A two-bedroom, two-bathroom flat on the third floor of a block on Abbey Road, St John's Wood, northwest London, with reserved parking and a porter. It is let until March 2009. Winkworth; 020 7586 7001, www.winkworth.co.uk

North Yorkshire

Set in 22 acres, Beckwith Lodge Farm, two miles from Harrogate, dates back to the 1800s. There is a five-bedroom farmhouse and planningpermission for three holiday cottages. Carter Jonas; 01423 523423, www.carterjonas.co.uk

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