Penny Wark
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We’ve been doing it for 13 years now, living apart but very much together in other respects.
At first our work was in different cities and it made sense to keep our own homes, but now that my partner is retired that doesn’t wash any more. It just suits us, enables me to focus on work during the week, and him to watch Sky Sports.
Women often nod knowingly that I have got it right. Men are sometimes puzzled, perhaps wondering who keeps house.
The answer is that he does in his, I do in mine.
True, running two homes is expensive, but they’re not palaces, and I enjoy not having to confer when I change something in mine.
There are many bonuses. To have both a relationship and your own space is a treat and I am always pleased to see him at weekends and to spend holidays with him.
Our joint time is busy too busy sometimes but there is always something special to anticipate, and that makes us feel lucky. He says he enjoys having bases in two cultures one the heaving metropolis, the other a Midlands market town surrounded by countryside.
He likes having the freedom to do things without consultation, and the freedom not to do things, such as putting up shelves.
And our separate finances mean that we never have to engage in financial negotiations. He’s not an emotional man.
Is there a downside? Apparently I have an uncanny knack of ringing him when he is in the bathroom.
Would we change anything? Not at the moment.
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You start on the basis that all human society as it has evolved is good and right. On the basis of what? Survival? Procreation? We live too long and have too many children in the name of sexual needs/procreation needs. We should put our efforts into society instead of our base carnal instincts.
Luap, Nodnol,
Personally I prefer living for myself, not because society deems me selfish or objects to my being female and wanting independence.
Katy, Edmonton,
I do not think that thee people are advocating this for everyone. There are no children involve-that is huge. The implications on childrearing opens up a new discussion I believe.
Selfish? Perhaps. I wonder what Jung would say.
It does turn a patriarchal paradigm on its head.
Eliza, Louisville, USA
Why on earth castigate this relatively anodyne behaviour as "selfishness" when we have a real problem with the affluent buy-to-let, make-a-tax-deductible-profit crowd? If anything's nuking the housing market for the next generation, it's that.
Living with another person is absolutely no guarantee of altruistic behaviour. But God forbid any of us should not want to live our lives conventionally coupled-up, eh?!
Catherine, Edinburgh,
'Selfish' is the word.
Individually selfish and selfish in the wider society.
No wonder youngsters cannot get on the property market when the numbers of selfish people like this are growing.
Jeff, Surrey,
If he doesn't want to help you put up shelves, then I suggest he's not that keen on you. Men usually like fixing things for women. It gives them a chance to show off and be the boss and receive praise and adulation.
Tina, Duesseldorf, Germany